I Never Woke Up In Handcuffs Before

Lights up in a basement on a man waking up in a chair. His hands are bound to the chair with handcuffs. when he reaches full awareness of his surroundings he freaks out and trys to struggle out of them.

Man
Where am I!? Whats happening!?

A big man walks into the room from off stage he is wearing a cop uniform

Cop
I bet you had never thought you would wake up in handcuffs did ya?

Man
What did I do? you cant do this! I have rights!!

Cop
Fuck your rights!!

He smack the man across his face with the back of his hand.

Cop
this has nothing to do about Rights! Why did you do it huh!? Why did you kill my partner!?

Man
I dont know what your talking about man!!

Cop
Yes you do you killed him! I know you did!!

Man
I swear man I didn't do it! I don't even know what your talking about!!

Cop
Stop Lying!!

Man
I didn't-

Before he can finish the cop rapidly pulls out his gun and fires three shots into the mans chest. The man sags in the chair lifeless, he is dead. lights fade.

[A little] Marital Sabbotage

Lights up on little tom all dressed up, his mother is fixing up his bow tie.

Martha
Tom you better be on your best behavior its your auntie Linda's wedding, your six years old. Can I count on you to be good?

Tom
yes mommy...

They exit lights switch to Tom in the room that the bride gets ready in. The pearly white beaded dress is lying on the chair in front of him. Tom extracts a pair of scissors from inside his vest and starts hacking away at the dress. The bride is nowhere to be seen.

Tom
Haha,[mocking tone] I'll be good! sure I'll be good I am always a good little boy! mommy! heehee! Auntie Linda's wedding is officially over!

A clunk can be heard of stage. Toms head shoots up and looks around.

Tom
oh... better get out of here before I get caught...

Tom makes one last cut, he puts the scissors back in his vest and exits, leaving the decimated dress behind. lights fade

Ahhh, Putrefication

Lights up on tony enter his bedroom, the room has massive piles of dirty clothes. there is also wrapper and half eaten food everywhere.Tony walks over to the bed and sits down, His mother calls from of stage.

Mother
Tony!! clean your room its nasty!!

Tony
no Its not mom its fine the way it is!!

Mother
When was the last time you cleaned it!?

Tony
I can't remember!!

Mother
Aww tony come on!! everything probably putrefying up there!! Clean it now!!

Tony smiles puts his hands on his head and lays back onto his messy bed.

Tony
Ahhh putrefication...

Lights fade.

Catatonic

Lights up on a woman sitting in a comfy chair staring blankly out a window. Man comes in and kneels by her on the right of her.

Man
Little Johnny is doing fine... I'm married now and I have a son as well Caleb, sorry I havn't com to visit you often... Its just so hard to, well, see you in this state... I wish I could something to help you...

a tear rolls down the side of his cheek. he quickly wipes it aside sniffles and looks down at his mother.

Man
[clears his throught] Oh and before I forget I bought you a small gift its on the table over there on the windowsill, its a snowglobe with a penguin inside. I hope you like it... Well I have to go now mother... [pause] I love you.

Straight faced he stoops down and kiss her on the forehead and exits leaving her staring into space. lights fade.

He's killed the dog again- [apart of the little series]

Lights up on a man and a woman standing around a dead dog. The woman is sobbing and the man looks very concerned. Tom is sitting on the top step looking through the banister bars, the light just hitting his face.

Martha
What are we gonna do Jim!? what are we gonna do!?

Jim
I don't know Martha...

Martha
I can't believe it! I just can't! Our Little Tommy couldn't have killed the dog again!

Jim
he probably didn't, there wasn't any blood on fluffy two was there?

Martha
no! not that I could see!

Jim
good then lets bury him, then we can forget this whole mess.

Martha sniffles a little.

Martha
ok... I will get the shovel.

Tom
[whispering to himself] I'm getting better.

His head moves into the darkeness an evil smile on his face. Lights fade

psychological recovery

Lights up on an observatory laboratorythere. there is a man in a white patient gown and white scrub pants behind a glass window, he is in the fetal position in the corner of the room crying. Two scientists are observing from outside the glass.

Scientist 1
Interesting, taking away his teddy bare all of the sudden caused this much shock.

Scientist 2
yes it is quite intruiging... now, lets move on to phase two of the experiment, shall we?

Scientist 2 walks into the observatory with a teddy bare and puts it on the table in the middle of the room. After the scientist leaves, the man in the corner gets up and rushes over to the table grabbing the bear. When he touches it he is electrocuted which sends him into a panic. The man runs into a wall knocking himself out.

Scientist 2
Hmm, intresting... What are your caculations.

Scientist 1
I give him six months before a complete psychological recovery.

Scientist 2
After that time period is over we will see if he has learned anything.

Lights fade.

Discombobulate

A man is sitting in a chair reading. another man runs into the room and stands crouched down in front of him. An insane look on his face

Crazed man
You! yeah you! What are you doing!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!

The crazed man runs in a sircle around the thoroughly scared and confused man who was previously reading the book.

Crazed man
Have you seen my nacho cheese on bread lying around on a hot day like this!?

Man
What on earth are you talking about!?

Crazed man
AHHHHHHHHH!

He does another two laps around the chair then stops right in front of the man. He then stands up straight an turns to the man in the chair.

Crazed man
[he takes on a calm Brittish accent] Oh I am sorry sir please excuse my behavior, it was rather devilish of me.

The man in the chair scratches his head.

Man
uh yeah sure.

Crazed man
Good day to you then sir.

Man
Uh, good bye.

The crazed man walks out of the room leaving the man completely discombobulated. lights fade.

Just Forgettabout it

Lights up on a man walking down the street. Two other men come out of the darkness, one is carrying a baseball bat. They are in suits.They come up behind him and the one carrying the baseball bat hits him in the back of the knee, which instantly brings the man to the ground groaning in pain. The mafiosos then start kicking him, after a beat, the one without the bat stoops down and gets close to the mans ear.

Mafioso 1
If you just listened to us we wouldn't be in this kind of sitiation heah!

Mafioso 2
yeah!

Mafioso 1
We told ya to stop pokin around, keep your nose out of our business, to forgettabout it, but ya just had to go and do it anyway! I have every right to kill ya right now!

Mafioso 2
yeah!

Mafioso 1
But since I'm fellin like I'm in a good mood I'll let ya have one more chance. but if ya fuck up this time...Were gonna kill ya. Got it!!

He stands up and leaves.

Mafioso 2
yeah!

Mafioso 2 kicks the guy again and leaves. The beaten man coughs and curls into a ball, lights slowly fade.

Death Sentence

Lights up on a bunch of robed men each man has a different color robe from white to black. They are all in a semi circle up on a raised platform. Then there is a man stripped down to loin cloths. he is kneeling on the floor before them with his head down. The white robed man is sitting in the centre of the others, he stands up.

White Mage
You, Jaxon spell-singer, are condemned to death on these accounts!

He sits and the green mage stands.

Green Mage
For Practicing black magic!

He sits and the blue mage stands up.

Blue Mage
For taking the life of another by using magic!

He sits and the red mage stands.

Red Mage
For Assault on the warden while resisting arrest!

He sits and the purple Mage stands.

Purple Mage
For not recognizing the wizard council as your superior!

He sits and the black mage stands.

Black Mage
For being late to trial!!

He sits and the white mage stands.

White Mage
You have committed these acts with no remorse or apology! What say you!?

Jaxon looks up with a Furious look upon his face.

Jaxon
I regret nothing...

lights slowly fade

Stupid Vampires! their real too !?

Blue lights up on two teenagers walking down the street at night holding hands.

Molly
What do you think about this recent vampire craze?

Mitch
I dont know... you seem to be into that stuff and I dont want to hurt your feelings with my opinion. I mean Your never in school and you always decline dates that are in the daytime with an excuse of some sort. so I know your a fan of them.

Molly stops walking and pulls her hand away and glares at him.

Molly
Is it wrong to be interested in vampires!?

Mitch
No I'm just saying that-

she interupts mitch.

Molly
that their what, mitch!?

mitch shifts nervously from side to side.

Mitch
well they are kind of stupid.

She remains calm but is slightly bothered. After a beat of deciding what to do she smiles and reveals pearly white fangs.

Molly
I cant beleive you just called me stupid.

Mitch
Wait ,uh, your a vampire? that explains why your hand is always cold and all the excuses.

She stares at him with lust in her eyes.

Molly
now I will show you what a real vampire can do.

Mitch
dont eat me!

She pounces on him legs and arms wrapped around him she starts to kiss him.

Mitch
oh molly!

She bites into his neck and Mitch moans with pleasure. they fall to the ground passionately making out lights fade.

No Im the wizard!

Lights up on two young boys in the backyard looking kinda bored.

Jim
hey Ryan What do you want to do?

Ryan
I dont know?

Jim
hmm...

he thinks a bit.

Jim
How about I am a wizard and you can be a the evil monster that I have to slay with my magic powers.

Ryan
your always the wizard! I want to be the wizard so im gonna be the wizard this time!

Jim
but I am always the wizard! so that makes me the wizard!

Ryan
Im the wizard!

Jim
no,Im the wizard!

They go back and forth for a beat.

Jim
you no what!? I dont want to be the wizard! you can be the Wizard! Wizards are stupid anyways!

Ryan
Fine!

They start to play lights fade.

Faeries are real?

Lights up on The door creeking open and a young boy sleeping in bed. Into the room walks a balding short and stout man in a tutu with with obviously fake Faery wings attatched to his back. the man waddles over to the bed and violently shoves his hand underneath the boys pillow. He retracts it and reveals a pearly white tooth. Meanwhile the boy wakes up with a start and screams, the wanna be faery looks at him and scowls.

Faery
Damnit kid! why couldnt you stay asleep!

The boy screams louder.

Faery
Look I just came for your tooth and now im gonna leave kay?

The faery turns around and starts to walk out the door.The boy calms down a bit but is still worried.

Boy
Are you the tooth fairy? Are'nt you going to give me money for the tooth?

Faery
[to himself]Aww shit!

The faery turns around.

Faery
No I am not gonna give you money. I am a ground faery not an icon of charity!Hell the tooth faery probably doesnt exsist. I mean jesus one faery traveling to billions of houses all over the world, exchanging fallen teeth for money!? Not likely kid.

Boy
but faeries are real right?

Faery
What are you blind!? I am standing right here aint I!?

Boy
But how come you dont fly?

The faery turns around and lets out a fustrated sigh.

Faery
I hate kids...

He then walks out the door lights fade.

Amateur Alchemist

Lights up on a teenage boy,
he is crouched behind a giant tome. the title of
the book faces the audience and reads, " potion making for wijiots".
next to him is a cauldron a spoon and a bunch of assorted house hold items.
he slowly puts down the book and rubs his hands together.

Boy
okay the book said the easiest potion for a young wizard to construct is a love potion.

He checks the book once more and nods.

Boy
All I need is Flowers, chocolate, a stuffed animal, and a love letter.

The boy pick up a rose amongst the clutter on the table and put puts it in the cauldron.He then finds a couple of Hershey kisses and throws them in, with the wrappers in tact. again he searches through the clutter for some sort of stuffed animal and manages to find a teddy bear and throws that in. he forgets about the love letter.

Boy
okay that should do.

he checks the book and reads it aloud.

Boy
If all ingredients have been added stir and within seconds you will have a perfect minor love potion. Warning if any ingredients have been forgotten, it may result in becoming a poisonous substance or a bomb.

he shrugs it off and begins to stir the concoction. After a beat the cauldron explodes. filling the room with smoke. lights slowly fade.
ok